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#2
10-19-2013, 07:58 PM
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WASHINGTON—According to a new report published Wednesday by the Pew Research Center, you live in a deeply embarrassing and barely functional country. “Our latest research and statistical analysis shows that you are currently the citizen of an objectively humiliating nation wreathed in a miasma of pettiness, sloth, rank stupidity, and failure,” the report read in part, adding that this—this goddamned disgrace of a culture and system of government, if that’s what you call whatever the hell this is—is where you live, where you are from, and where you will likely die. “Decline and dysfunction are currently the first things people across the world think of when they hear the name of your place of origin, and, by association, these are the first words that would come to mind when they think of you as well.” The report concluded that there isn’t a whole hell of a lot you can do about it either.
http://www.theonion.com/articles/rep...country,34238/
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As long as the roots are not severed, all will be well in the garden. 
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#5
10-25-2013, 09:06 AM
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Maybe Dave can use this new pickup line:
'Hey baby, wanna pet my monkey?' http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/weird-n...monkey-2527868 Pete
__________________
"America is still a land of promise, especially during a political campaign."
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#6
10-25-2013, 10:24 AM
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Quote:
Pete
__________________
"America is still a land of promise, especially during a political campaign."
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#7
10-25-2013, 09:23 AM
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__________________
"America is still a land of promise, especially during a political campaign."
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#8
10-25-2013, 09:28 AM
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"A new book claims that John F. Kennedy's brain was stolen by his brother Bobby. That seems almost unbelievable, doesn't it? – that there was once a time in this country when politicians actually had brains worth stealing." –Jay Leno
"The popularity of Congress is at an all-time low, according to a recent poll that says Americans like head lice more than they like Congress. But you know, I think the real story here is that some Americans like head lice." –Conan O'Brien "They're still having a lot of trouble with Obamacare. First the website had all these glitches, and now people are getting a busy signal when they try to apply over the phone. So you can't use the Internet and you can't use the phone. And now fax machines are like, 'Look who's come crawling back to Mr. Fax Machine.'" –Jimmy Fallon "Yesterday at the White House, a woman standing behind the president nearly passed out while Obama was speaking. Obama turned and held her while she got some help. See, that's under the good coverage of Obamacare – where you're actually taken care of personally by Obama. That's the platinum package." –Jay Leno
__________________
"America is still a land of promise, especially during a political campaign."
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#9
10-25-2013, 10:53 AM
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__________________
"America is still a land of promise, especially during a political campaign."
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#10
10-25-2013, 11:01 AM
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__________________
"America is still a land of promise, especially during a political campaign."
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