Borowitz Report

[Oasis]

Originally Posted by Dondilion

Can you kindly expand in relation to RFK Jr confirmation.

He was confirmed due to the utter stupidity of MAGA, the GoP and 77 million stupid Americans.

[donquixote99]

Originally Posted by Dondilion

I think you are off mark with the "fetcher" (bag man?) characterization.

Anyhow I am in agreement with your first sentence. Big pharma is too big. I watched part of the confirmation process and big pharma is super big.

A fetcher isn't a bagman. He's what causes the bag men to show up.

[donquixote99]

Originally Posted by Chicks

When you get the measles, or polio, or some other nasty disease that had been nearly eradicated before all the anti-vax nonsense from RFK and his ilk, perhaps you'll not be such a damned fool.

They aren't measles, they're freedom spots!

[RickeyM]

Originally Posted by Dondilion

Robert F. Kennedy Jr. was sworn in as health chief defying all the energy and big money lined up against him.

So I guess you presume his entire family that lined up against him to be what, just misguided? Or easily influenced by leftist radicals? Pray tell, could you clue us in on what qualifies him for the job? I mean besides kissing tRump's ass.

[RickeyM]

If you've nothing against insider tips. This might be a good investment opportunity. Bill it as sure to cure what ails ya'

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[Chicks]

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Disaster struck the Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE) on Monday after Elon Musk and his team of teenage aides became trapped inside a self-locking Cybertruck.

The DOGE crew found themselves imprisoned in the vehicle after pulling into the parking lot of the Education Department, which they had come to dismantle.

A frantically screaming Musk received no help from passing Ed. Dept. employees, who said they had just been terminated and were no longer available.

Witnesses said that Musk’s desperate pounding on the interior of the Cybertruck failed to free him but did send several pieces of metal trim flying off its exterior.

Davis Logsdon, a constitutional scholar at the University of Minnesota, called Musk’s imprisonment inside the vehicle a “positive development for American democracy,” adding, “The Cybertruck is our guardrail.”

[Chicks]

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Amid the outcry over the leaking of top-secret war plans, on Monday millions of Americans called for a breathalyzer to be attached to Pete Hegseth’s phone.

In an emotional apology at the Pentagon, Hegseth said that someone in his position “should never drink and text, and so I am giving up texting.”

According to national security experts, a journalist was given access to highly sensitive war plans that are normally available only to people using a public bathroom at Mar-a-Lago.

[Chicks]

Andy Borowitz

Is anyone else getting weird texts from someone named Pete with a bunch of “nuclear codes”? Seems like a scam

[RickeyM]

Will Fat Donny will stand by Hegseth or call for his head? Is there any shortage of candidates with Whiskey Pete's "qualifications"? The lineup at FAUX is plenty deep.

[Rajoo]

Originally Posted by RickeyM

Will Fat Donny will stand by Hegseth or call for his head? Is there any shortage of candidates with Pete's "qualifications"? The lineup at FAUX is plenty deep.

The best excuse, it never happened and if you challenge us, we will come after you (implied). And if Jeffrey Goldberg challenges this, they will arrest him.

White House officials defended the chat, with Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth claiming on Monday that “nobody was texting war plans.” White House press secretary Karoline Leavitt on Tuesday also claimed war plans were not discussed and "no classified material was sent to the thread."

https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/whi...-mi-rcna197944