It's friday.

[piece-itpete]

"Last night at midnight, former Congressman Anthony Weiner officially announced in an online video that he is running for mayor of New York. Nothing says 'I put my sleazy past behind me' like showing a video on the Internet at midnight." –Conan O'Brien

"White House officials insist that President Obama knew nothing about the IRS scandal until we all heard about it in the news last week. They said because there was an investigation under way, it would have been inappropriate to tell him. And besides, he was too busy not knowing anything about Benghazi." –Jay Leno

"Vice President Joe Biden met with two undocumented immigrants this week to promote the new immigration bill. When they learned they had to sit down with Biden, they went ahead and deported themselves." –Jimmy Fallon

"A lot of people are criticizing President Obama, including Michelle Obama. She recently said she could take a whole afternoon and talk about Barack's failures. She was immediately hired by Fox News." –Conan O'Brien

"According to a new survey, white Americans are more likely to see President Obama as angry than black Americans. After hearing about it, Obama got really angry – according to white Americans." –Conan O'Brien

"The White House admitted President Obama's chief of staff had advance warning that the IRS was targeting conservative groups. President Obama says the first time he heard about the IRS and AP scandals was from the media. See, that's why President Obama holds press conferences. It's not to explain what's going on. It's to find out what's going on." –Jay Leno

"During a fundraiser yesterday, President Obama said there is a shortage of common sense right now in Washington. At which point the people who paid $5,000 a plate for their dinner applauded in agreement." –Jimmy Fallon

Pete