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PHOENIX (The Borowitz Report)—Kari Lake reportedly “flipped out” at a suburban 7-Eleven after buying a losing lottery ticket there on Christmas morning, multiple witnesses report.
According to those witnesses, Lake’s failure to produce a winning result in a lottery scratcher game called Cash Craze led her to accuse the ticket machine of being rigged against her and “riddled with fraud.”
While other customers averted their eyes, the former anchorwoman launched into a tirade on a wide range of targets, including the “pathetic” quality of Christmas presents she had just received.
A member of Lake’s extended family who spoke on condition of anonymity called her Christmas visit to the 7-Eleven “unfortunate” but said that “at least it got her out of the house for a few minutes.”
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As long as the roots are not severed, all will be well in the garden.
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