"NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report)—Donald Trump has surged ahead of Hillary Clinton in a new poll conducted by Trump’s brain.
The poll, taken after Trump’s brain perceived that he demolished Clinton in the third and final Presidential debate, shows him ahead of Clinton, sixty-four per cent to thirty-one per cent.
In a sign that his criticism of Clinton has been just fantastic, a majority of imaginary voters in Trump’s head agree that she is a “nasty woman,” with more than seventy per cent calling her “crooked,” “sad,” and a “disgrace.”
In more incredibly amazing good news for the G.O.P. nominee, Trump’s brain reports that his standing with women has markedly improved, with ninety per cent calling him “extremely handsome” and “sexy.”
According to Trump’s brain, the poll has no margin of error, absolutely none, it’s a tremendous poll, you just can’t believe how great this poll is."
http://www.newyorker.com/humor/borow...d-by-his-brain