Stressful times for me, and an apology
 

I was banned from Audiokarma for good reason.

On Wednesday, I indulged in some pyscho-typing after consuming about 12 Blue Moon Ales.

I was clean and sober since Aug 10, 2010, until about a year ago. I started hanging out with an old buddy, a dude I smoked a bunch of marijuana with back in the 1980's. He wasn't drinking or using, and then he started smoking again.

This dude is like my only friend in the real world, so the temptation was extreme. I started smoking. Quit going to AA meetings, because I couldn't be honest.

Things are not going well for me.

Age 56, arthritis in my spine pinching the nerves in my arms. My dad went into a nursing home with Alzheimer's / Parkinson's, and I'm pretty sure the expense of that will consume any wealth I might have inherited. I think I have the dementia coming on, as well.

My job's too stressful for me, physically and mentally. And the commute.

Anyhow, I just plain 'lost it' on the other website.

Sorry.

Hey man,

I'm sorry to hear what's going on with you. We all go through trying times. I hope that you get through yours quickly and healthily.

We all react differently under stress and some of us go back to old habits. I am glad that you are able to talk about it. Take care of yourself the best you can and please remember, a drink does not solve problems, only makes them worse.

Good luck, rajoo

I have 37 plus years, main problem was booze but I avoid weed to avoid acting on really great bad ideas, like a little won't hurt.
Stick around, and stay in touch in this thread.

The times have been hard for sure, with in-person meetings inaccessable for many and other stresses related to the last year. My riding bud and close friend of 40 years whom I brought into the program and sponsored ended his life a few weeks ago.
Multiple issues, but this shouldn't have been the answer to them.

The stress of the last year has taken a toll on many. I also have noticed people being on edge with short fuses.

Found myself typing then thinking and deleting replies after reflection many a time.


If you think there is something going on physically seek someone for answers. Fear of the unknown is a powerful one.


One day, one step at a time, moves you forward.

Hey Big Cat, many years of true and certain experience behind the above answers. You can trust these guys to give you a good nudge or two, I think.

Wishing you the best every day.

Hello Big Cat! I read your pain and I just feel inadequate to give advice. Anyhow, I sincerely hope you can find a good way forward.

From an old head.

BigE, I hope today is a better day for you.

BigE: The first step in problem solving is to acknowledge that there's a problem. God bless you for being so forthcoming; you've already solved half the problem. You know what you have to do to get back on track. We're all with you.

BigE I'll miss you over at AK. Maybe you can contact them and explain things? I've seen a lot of support there for fellow AK'ers going through a rough patch. Maybe they'll rethink their decision? I think I have an idea of which thread it was. Some threads over there I just stay away from. Anywho, you came through this once, you'll come through again.

It happens to us all. I went through a rough patch a couple decades ago, lost my temper, blew a blood vessel in my left eye and nearly lost my job. I ended up in anger management and depression counselling. Fortunately, there were no drug or alcohol issues involved.

Anyhow, Be strong my good man, do as you must to keep yourself moving forward. You'll be okay.

Hey BigElCat, that's a lot of shi$ to deal with. Don't beat yourself up over not handling it perfectly. Hang in there.

I'm pulling for you, BigElCat.

If you dig deep enough in the subscriber section of AK, you'll find some posts from me at my nadir.

No judgment here.

The people I work with (and for), actually saw the posts that got me banned from AK. They had been 'tracking' me since 2014.

I don't want the people reading this to feel the need to contact the authorities here.

I'm pretty closely monitored. I'm doing okay. My real world friends from AK are shunning me, now, with good reason. I have no hard feelings about that. What else could they do ?

Oh yeah.

They thought it was funny that I freaked out on the internet.

They're supporting me by putting me back on the night shift, and instituting mandatory over-time. They monitor me because i'm a security risk. And they keep taunting me.

How kind and helpful people typically are in situations like this! <==sarcasm here!

I would not report you to hopefully compassionate and helpful 'authorities' (which seems ridiculous when you type it) unless I discerned a credible threat to physically harm yourself or others. Then I still wouldn't because I have no idea as to your name, and only a very vague idea of your location.

I LOVE you Don.

and I know that's your real name. :)

Might be my real name. No actual telling.

John Ashcroft could survive water boarding.

You ?

You have no chance.