"President Obama's Facebook account was hacked. It was hacked by the Syrian Electronic Army. When Obama found out about this, he said, 'Can you guys fix the Obamacare website?'" –David Letterman
"There was some good news today for embattled Health and Human Services Secretary Kathleen Sebelius. Obamacare will cover all her injuries after the White House throws her under the bus. She is totally covered." –Jay Leno
"President Obama is still in trouble for this spying stuff. You can tell he is getting tired of talking about this scandal. Today he said, 'Anyone want to talk about my birth certificate?'" –Craig Ferguson
"The U.S. has been spying on German Chancellor Angela Merkel for more than 10 years. Merkel actually called Obama to say that eavesdropping on allies 'is not acceptable.' Then Obama said, 'Yeah, well that's not what you said to England.'" –Jimmy Fallon
Pete
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“How many legs does a dog have if you call the tail a leg? Four. Calling a tail a leg doesn't make it a leg.”
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