You Know You're Old When You Start Reading the Obituaries Everyday

[Tom Joad]

I remember when I was a kid it was a running joke about how old people read the obituaries. Now that I am 67 I don't read them per se, but I certainly do make a note of what age people die at and compare it to myself. It's not necessarily a morbid thing. I just like to see whose ass I've whipped.

Take Robert E. Lee, and FDR. They both died at 63. I'm 67, I've whooped both their asses. I had a good friend who was a few years older than me. He died at 67. I calculated up the number of days he lived. and about three weeks ago I passed him. Whooped his ass. George Washington died at 67, but he was a few months older than I am now. I'm keeping track of that so I can celebrate when I whoop his ass. I whooped Lee Marvins ass. Can you believe that? And Richard "Have Gun Will Travel" Boone's Ass. Robin Williams checked out at 63, but I don't count that one since it wasn't natural causes.

Two deaths I'm really looking forward to are Dick Cheney's and George W. Bush's. I really want to whoop their asses bad.

http://activerain.trulia.com/blogsvi...aries-everyday

The one thing that I have started reading everyday is the obituaries. I can remember my grandfather getting the newspaper back in the day and the first thing he would read is the obituaries. At least three days a week, my grandfather could find someone listed in the obituaries that he knew directly or indirectly in some way. I also thought, especially when I was a child, "Why do old people read about dead people everyday?" "How morbid! When I grow up I'm not ever reading the obituaries."

I know now that I am officially "old people". I read the obituaries everyday and at least one day a week I find someone listed whom I have known directy or indirectly, like a family member of a past client or childhood friend. I read the obituaries so much, I often beat my mother to reading them. I call her at least once a week and say "Girl, did you see that Such-and-Such died?" I have finally embraced the fact that I AM OFFICIALLY OLD NOW.