"Even though many have wanted to see Gitmo closed, including President Obama, despite all logic, it remains open for business. It's the Radio Shack of the War on Terror." –Stephen Colbert
"Americans are bracing for this thing called the sequester – when $85 billion will be cut from almost every part of the budget. So teachers, meat inspectors, and TSA workers will all be affected. So if you're someone who teaches people how to keep bad meat off airplanes, you're really screwed." –Jimmy Fallon
"The Pope said that the past few years have been very difficult for the church and at times he felt that "the lord seemed to be asleep." When asked for comment the lord said, 'You try staying awake through a Latin mass.'" –Conan O'Brien
"Italy just had its elections. There's no winner. There's no government in Italy. People over there have been running wild through the streets, waving their hands in the air. And then they heard about the elections." –Craig Ferguson
Pete
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“How many legs does a dog have if you call the tail a leg? Four. Calling a tail a leg doesn't make it a leg.”
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