A smile to the lips, a tear to the eye and a strain to the groin.

[Combwork]

Now it was Christmas Day in the jailhouse,
The old man sat in his cell,
"Put out your pudding, for treacle,"
He heard the warden yell,
"If you want treacle on your pudding,
Put it out without delay."
The old man put out his pudding,
And the warden took it away.

Chorus
What a world, (what a world) what a place, (what a place)
Ain't you glad you're a member of the human race.

Now the folksinger came from America
To sing at the Albert Hall,
He sang his songs of protest
And fairer shares for all.
He sang how the poor were much too poor
And the rich too rich by far,
Then he drove back to his penthouse
In his brand new Rolls Royce car.

[chorus]

Now Annie's a shorthand typist
Working for the B.B.C.,
Her brother Jackie's in prison
Doing three years for forgery,
Her sister Josie's in Holloway,
In Dartmoor is her Uncle Jim,
And her dad runs a pirate radio ship,
But she never talks about him.

[chorus]

Now three old maids had a she-cat,
Kept her indoors night and day,
Kept her away from the he-cats,
Thought she'd like it better that way,
Then one old maid went and got married,
The next morning she hastened to write,
A note to the others which simply said,
"Let kitty out tonight."

[chorus]

Now the button was pressed, the world destroyed
Leaving just one solitary man,
And at the top of the Empire State Building
His lonely existence began,
But his loneliness was too much so he jumped
And he fell like a bird with one wing,
And as he passed the seventh floor,
He heard the telephone ring.

[JJIII]

Well done!

[Combwork]

Originally Posted by JJIII

Well done!

Thanks JJ111 but I can't take the credit for this one. It's from an old comedy show on British TV. You know the kind of thing; when comedy could be funny without someone finding an excuse to be 'offended'.

[Sandy G]

The Doggies had a Meeting,
They came from Near & Far.
Some came by Motorcycle,
And some by Motorcar.
Each Doggie signed the Register.
Each Doggie signed the Book;
Then each unzipped his @sswhole,
And hung it on a hook.


One dog was not invited.
Which surely raised his ire,
He ran into the Meeting Hall,
And loudly bellowed, "FIRE !!"
Without a second warning,
Without a second look,
They grabbed each others' @sswholes
From off each others' Hooks.


And thats the reason Why, Sir,
When walking down the street.
And that's the reason Why, Sir,
When Doggies chance to meet.
And that's the reason, Why, Sir,
On Sea, or Land, or Foam,
They sniff each others' @sswholes,
To see if its their own !

NOW you know....(grin)

[Charles]

Thank you Paul Harvey.

Chas

[d-ray657]

There once was a girl from Nantucket . . . .

Regards,


D-Ray

[Charles]

Originally Posted by d-ray657

There once was a girl from Nantucket . . . .

Regards,


D-Ray

I take it she didn't buy a new Austin.

Chas

[merrylander]

Originally Posted by Combwork

Thanks JJ111 but I can't take the credit for this one. It's from an old comedy show on British TV. You know the kind of thing; when comedy could be funny without someone finding an excuse to be 'offended'.

Sounds like summat from "Much Binding in the Marsh".

[Boreas]

Originally Posted by Charles

I take it she didn't buy a new Austin.

Chas

This should have been posted yesterday.

John

[Charles]

Originally Posted by Boreas

This should have been posted yesterday.

John

I believe you've covered all of the bases.

And I thought I had too much time on my hands!!!

Chas