It's friday.

[d-ray657]

Originally Posted by Charles

Nothing wrong with settling minor matters out of court.

Chas

That's one settlement where I don't want to take a percentage.

Regards,

D-Ray

[Charles]

Originally Posted by d-ray657

That's one settlement where I don't want to take a percentage.

Regards,

D-Ray

It's been 20 years for me.

But the fellow so desperately wanted to close his case, and I obliged him.

Chas

[piece-itpete]

......

[d-ray657]

This one might hit too close to home.

http://www.theonion.com/content/news...large_block_of

Regards,

D-Ray

[Charles]

Originally Posted by d-ray657

This one might hit too close to home.

http://www.theonion.com/content/news...large_block_of

Regards,

D-Ray

Does it have a CliffsNotes version?

Chas

[merrylander]

That woman who read only the first and last lines reminds me of the critic who put down Browning's poem "Sardello's Tale". He quoted the opening and closing stanzas "Who would shall hear Sardello's tale told" and "Who would has heard Sardello's tale told" and cliamed they were both lies.

I tried to read it but came to the conclusion that the critic was probably right.

[piece-itpete]

The IRS and GRANDPA
The IRS decides to audit Grandpa, and summons him to the IRS office.

The IRS auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his attorney.
The auditor said, 'Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time
employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable.'

I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it,' says Grandpa. 'How about a
demonstration?'

The auditor thinks for a moment and said, 'Okay. Go ahead.'
Grandpa says, 'I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye.'
The auditor thinks a moment and says, 'It's a bet.'
Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor's jaw drops.

Grandpa says, 'Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye.'
Now the auditor can tell Grandpa isn't blind, so he takes the bet.
Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye.
The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with
Grandpa's attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.

Want to go double or nothing?' Grandpa asks. 'I'll bet you six thousand dollars
that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between.'
The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again.

Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains
mightily, he can't make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor's desk.

The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win.

But Grandpa's own attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.

Are you okay?' the auditor asks. 'Not really,' says the attorney.
'This morning, when Grandpa told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he
bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and piss all over your desk and that you'd be happy about it!'

[Charles]

Now Gramps is gonna have to pay taxes on another 25K.

Chas

[piece-itpete]

I'm beginning to really appreciate our charming VP

10. "A man I'm proud to call my friend. A man who will be the next President of the United States — Barack America!" --Joe Biden, at his first campaign rally with Barack Obama after being announced as his running mate, Springfield, Ill., Aug. 23, 2008

9."I mean, you got the first mainstream African-American who is articulate and bright and clean and a nice-looking guy. I mean, that's a storybook, man." –Joe Biden, referring to Barack Obama at the beginning of the 2008 Democratic primary campaign, Jan. 31, 2007

8. "A successful dump!" --Joe Biden, explaining his whereabouts (dropping deadwood at the dump) to the reporters outside his home, Wilmington, Del., Aug. 20, 2008

7. "His mom lived in Long Island for ten years or so. God rest her soul. And- although, she's- wait- your mom's still- your mom's still alive. Your dad passed. God bless her soul." --Joe Biden, on the mother of Irish Prime Minister Brian Cowen, who is very much alive, Washington, D.C., March 17, 2010

6. "You cannot go to a 7-11 or a Dunkin' Donuts unless you have a slight Indian accent.... I'm not joking." --Joe Biden, in a private remark to an Indian-American man caught on C-SPAN, June, 2006

5. "When the stock market crashed, Franklin D. Roosevelt got on the television and didn't just talk about the, you know, the princes of greed. He said, 'Look, here's what happened." –Joe Biden, interview with Katie Couric, Sept. 22, 2008

4. "Hillary Clinton is as qualified or more qualified than I am to be vice president of the United States of America. Quite frankly, it might have been a better pick than me." --Joe Biden, speaking at a town hall meeting in Nashua, New Hampshire, Sept. 10, 2008

3. "Look, John's last-minute economic plan does nothing to tackle the number-one job facing the middle class, and it happens to be, as Barack says, a three-letter word: jobs. J-O-B-S, jobs." --Joe Biden, Athens, Ohio, Oct. 15, 2008

2. "Stand up, Chuck, let 'em see ya." –-Joe Biden, to Missouri state Sen. Chuck Graham, who is in a wheelchair, Columbia, Missouri, Sept. 12, 2008 (Watch video clip)

1. "This is a big fucking deal!" --Joe Biden, caught on an open mic congratulating President Barack Obama during the health care signing ceremony, Washington, D.C., March 23, 2010

[finnbow]

You can't accuse Biden of simply regurgitating talking points (or overusing a teleprompter).