It's friday.

[bobabode]

Originally Posted by donquixote99

DENMARK OFFERS TO BUY US

COPENHAGEN (The Borowitz Report)—After rebuffing Donald J. Trump’s hypothetical proposal to purchase Greenland, the government of Denmark has announced that it would be interested in buying the United States instead.

“As we have stated, Greenland is not for sale,” a spokesperson for the Danish government said on Friday. “We have noted, however, that during the Trump regime, pretty much everything in the United States, including its government, has most definitely been for sale.”

“Denmark would be interested in purchasing the United States in its entirety, with the exception of its government,” the spokesperson added.

A key provision of the purchase offer, the spokesperson said, would be the relocation of Donald Trump to another country “to be determined,” with Russia and North Korea cited as possible destinations.

If Denmark’s bid for the United States is accepted, the Scandinavian nation has ambitious plans for its new acquisition. “We believe that by giving the U.S. an educational system and national health care, it could be transformed from a vast land mass into a great nation,” the spokesperson said.

https://www.newyorker.com/humor/boro...m=TNY_Borowitz

Perfect!

[Chicks]

[Pio1980]

Oldie gold;
A VERY STABLE GENIUS - Randy Rainbow Song Parody https://g.co/kgs/AcD9V2

[Chicks]

[donquixote99]

Funniest Sharpie picture yet:

[donquixote99]

A classic Sci-Fi archtype becomes totally applicable:

[Chicks]

Queen Trains Corgis to Attack Boris Johnson If He Ever Comes to Palace Again

https://www.newyorker.com/humor/boro...o-palace-again

LONDON (The Borowitz Report)—Queen Elizabeth II has trained her corgis to attack the British Prime Minister, Boris Johnson, if he ever comes to Buckingham Palace again, palace sources have confirmed.

For Johnson, who recently suffered another setback involving a dog, the news that the Queen was prepping her beloved canines to eviscerate him was just the latest indication of his precipitous fall.

The Queen reportedly supervised the corgis’ training herself, instructing them to lunge at Prince Charles, who wore a shaggy yellow wig for the exercise.

“When the corgis tore into Charles’s trousers, the terror in his eyes was palpable,” one observer said. “The Queen looked very happy.”

Although the Queen has been publicly tight-lipped on the subject of Johnson, a royal source indicated that she was heard muttering “that lying bastard” when the embattled Prime Minister appeared on television this week.

“There’s only room for one unelected ruler in this country,” she reportedly added.

[donquixote99]

Good cartoonist!

[Chicks]

Putin Saddened That Trump Asked Other Foreign Country to Meddle in Election

MOSCOW (The Borowitz Report)—Russian President Vladimir Putin said on Wednesday that he was “saddened and hurt” that Donald J. Trump had asked a different foreign country to meddle in a U.S. election.

“I thought when it came to election meddling that Donald and I were exclusive,” an emotional Putin told reporters. “This feels like a betrayal.”

Putin said that when he read the call summary of the phone conversation between Trump and the President of Ukraine, “I could not believe my eyes. It was just like the conversations Donald and I used to have.”

The Russian leader said that he had considered meddling in the 2020 election to help Trump, but added, “Now I’m not so sure.”

“We had something special, but now that’s gone,” Putin said. “I feel so used.”

[Chicks]