RUKBAN, SYRIA—Growing increasingly tired and frustrated as they pored through tens of hours of footage packed with usable material, members of the militant group ISIS informed reporters Friday that they’ve been struggling to narrow down which GOP debate sound bites to use in their new recruitment video. “We’ve spent days cutting down our video to feature only the most inflammatory anti-Muslim statements that will attract new soldiers of jihad, but it’s still over 40 minutes—no one’s gonna sit through something that long,” said ISIS spokesman Abu Mohammad al-Adnani, adding that his team had already pulled several long nights focused solely on finding the most egregious clips of Donald Trump dehumanizing Muslims before even beginning to catalogue statements from the rest of the GOP candidates.
http://www.theonion.com/article/isis...nd-bites-52517