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Still quitting Bob?
"The Republican National Convention is going to be held in 2016 in Cleveland. They outbid New York City. Cleveland beat New York City. And I'm thinking to myself: Wait a minute, this is not right. Hookers and bribes don't work anymore? What is the problem?" –David Letterman
"According to a new study, the largest producer of oil is now the United States. So you know what that means – any day now we'll be invading ourselves." –David Letterman
"North Korea is negotiating to broadcast the Teletubbies. They have to make changes for North Korean TV. For starters, every episode will end with one of the Teletubbies being executed.
And, of course, every Teletubby will have Kim Jong Un's haircut." –Craig Ferguson
"Welcome to the Tonight Show. I'm Jimmy Fallon – and in the time it took me to say that, Germany scored five more goals against Brazil." –Jimmy Fallon
Pete
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“How many legs does a dog have if you call the tail a leg? Four. Calling a tail a leg doesn't make it a leg.”
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